My weekend in the City so Nice, They Named it Twice

Ok, for those of you who didn't know, I am originally from Manhattan, NY (Washington Heights, born and raised.) It's Dominican-ville in the city so nice, they named it twice. I currently live about an hour north of the city in New Windsor, NY....Capital of Yawn-ville, USA. There is nada to do here...BLAH!

Anyway, So last week my husband had to leave for a week to Atlanta on business. That left me and the baby alone in this big ol' house by ourselves, with nothing to do. So, I decided to leave for the city, and see some family and friends (one's I haven't seen in YEARS!) I thought it would be fun.

Not everything went thru as planned, but I had fun none the less...Here's the story of what happened to me on a night out with friends...

My neighbor, who is also from the Heights, was up in the city too. Her and her husband where up that way for a party they were invited too, they invited me along and I gladly accepted the invite. What I didn't know what was in store for me the rest of the night....LOL!

I met them at her moms place...it's only 6 blocks from where my moms stays. It was BRICK! out (NY slang for FREEZING!!!!) but I managed to get there in 5 minutes flat....I wasn't trying to be out in the cold for too long. We all pile in the car and start driving toward the West Side Highway, but as soon as we get on the highway their brother-in-law calls saying he wanted to go, so we had to go back and pick him up...no biggy, the more the merrier. We picked him up, and headed towards our destination. We get there with 20 minutes to spare. So of course, us knowing it was open bar, we went and got two drinks each...LOL! We never took our jackets off, what was the point? We were gonna get kicked out in 20 minutes anyway...

Here's where the funny shit begins. As I'm standing there with my friend (I will call her M. to keep her identity hidden) We get approached by a dude who started saying he was the "CEO & Co-owner" of the Company that was throwing the party. My B***S*** meter went crazy....My friend and I just stared at each other and started laughing, dude looked so damn desperate...LOL! After that dumb-ness...20 minutes pass pretty quickly, and we were told that the after party was downstairs at the bar.(CONCRETE was the name of the place) this place was basically a hole in the wall, but got packed quickly by all the drunkards that were upstairs. The four of us got to the bar at the right time. We got the one and only table that was in the joint. We grabbed the table and chairs quick, and never let them go.  As we are sitting there, hangin' out talking laughing, drinking ect, ect....Some dude bumps into me, as he stumbles by. I turn around to let him know that it was alright, this fool looked like he had seen the most beautiful thing on earth (I am, but that's not the point....LOL!) and with a smile on his face, bends over and whispers in my ear, with slurred speech of course..."I wanna hhhave your babies tonight." I looked at him and told him "NOOO! YOU DON'T HA HA!" my friends are all looking at me like what is going on? Do you need help? I looked at them and reassured them, that I was handling it, and if I needed help, I would let them know. I'm thinking that was the end of it...MAN! Was I wrong! This drunk ass decided it was a good idea to bend over further, and try to lick my boob. Yes, you read that right....Ladies and gentlemen, this idiot stuck his tongue out and proceeded to try and lick my freakin' BOOB! My friends husband's eyes were buggin' out his face...LOL! Without hesitation, I processed to "MUSH" the shit out this dudes face! If you don't know what a "mush" is, it's when you take your whole hand, and place it on the side of someones face and push REALLY hard. Everyone at the table started laughing hysterically....I did too, but I was really grossed out. My poor shirt was wet with "Drunk man" spit...It smelled HORRIBLE!!!!!!

After that happens, I get a gay dude saying that I was his favorite, whatever that means...LOL! I have the Bouncer (who, by the way, was sleeping most of the night) tell me that he liked "Strong" black women, I tell him that I was actually Dominican, and he was like a kid at a candy store telling his mom that he wanted a piece of candy that he knew he wasn't going to get...LOL! The licker continues to try and come back for more...LOL! I gave him one look and he knew that if he got any closer he would get "mushed" again...He knew better...ha ha!

Towards the end of the night, guess who came back trying to get some lovin'? You guessed it, the "CEO"...LOL...This idiot keeps up his lie and continues to ask me where I'm from, and what I do for a living. I tell him that I'm married, thinking this would deter him from trying any further....WROOOOONG! This dude kept trying, saying that my husband didn't have to know...I was like, not interested thanks. When he heard me say that, he then asked about my friend, which is M. LOL! I was like yeah, about her...her husband is sitting right behind you. His dumb ass got up as fast as he sat down...Good riddance!

All in all, after all the weirdos that came up to me...I had a much needed fun night with friends in the city =) Thanks to M. and her husband. You know who you are if you ever read this.

Who can ever forget seeing their friends boob almost licked? LOL!!!!

Do any of you guys have any funny, drunk stories to share? I would love to hear them....Have a great and Boob lick free day! =)